'_'

"...After this there were hours of congratulation and drinking and so many people around our table I didn't have to talk much. I could think about the past and what I'd been through as I'd struggled to locate myself and learn what the heart is. Perhaps in the future I would live more deeply.
And so I sat in the centre of this old city, which itself sat at the bottom of a tiny island. I was surrounded by people I loved, and I felt happy and miserable at the same time. I thought of what a mess everything had been, but that it wouldn't always be that way."

- from Hanif Kureishi's 'Buddha of Suburbia'

portraits

oh you're so silent, Jens

Early September and the kids start school
Leaves are floating in the swimming pool
I wish I had a proper reason to cry
A reason not so abstract
More like a broken clause in a contract

All those things your'e supposed to do
I could have done them if I had you
You could have made me a righteous citizen
I could have made all those right decisions

But now I don't know who my friend is
Can you tell me Rocky Dennis
Now I don't know who my friend is
Can you tell me Rocky Dennis

Mama told me I was born a lion
Mama told me I was born with a belly to lie on
Mama told me I was born a liar
Mama told me I was born with a heart to rely on

- Jens Lekman's Farewell Song To Rocky Dennis

bc.

'''''

fairview in september, i know you well. i've still got friends in this town.
they're bumping into me, accidentally,
remembering that i'm around.

the years stay on my mind, they're getting kinder to us.
we're getting older, being sold a new line, a new rush.
let's get in and get out before it folds.
it's no secret that it's crumbling and september knows.

fairview in september, i see your birds packing up to leave,
and your lawns aren't green.
and you're cold and mean.
why would you do this to me?

sullen beasts of guelph, you know me well.
and i love you well.
and i would never run from you, but i've got no time for you right now.
just let me out.

love in a windy place.

zip up the tent and try to get warm.
it's a violent night, but we've been warned.
our house is a box being blown away,
our house is a boy marching into the fray.
we lay tight, shivering, face to face,
i'm thinking of nice things to say.

like, "i will never leave you."
and, "i could never hurt you."
my love will never go away.

so that underneath the wind you hear me say
that i'm completely in love with your face.
your eyes, your neck, your back, your hands.
i can never look away.

when the sky comes down,
and the trees dance around, ripped from the ground.
i stay right by you, and you've got me bound.
the wind destroys this plastic home around us,
but i can't hear a sound.

small things.

the earth is nothing but soil beneath me,
and i feel so light and tingly
when the wind comes through my window in the morning,
and rescues me from sleep.

those around us will say, "they are crazy"
and we are crazy, the way we try.
keep on dreaming.

the earth is nothing but a rock turning
in a far off night.
and i can get so light and tingly,
when the wind comes through my window in the morning,
and rescues me from this fight,
dreaming.

****************

oh, away with this shame.
i see a great wall of flame
coming to eat me today,
it's going to burn me away
into a pile of ashes,
but i have to ask,
will you marry me?
even though my ship is sinking.

oh, and is it wrong,
that i sing these songs?
i understand i'm not the perfect kind of man
for the perfect girl like you.
but what did you expect me to do?
can't you see that i'm in love with you?

************

the leaves will turn and fall on the garden.
and the faces of summer will fade from my mind.
i'll put these photographs up in my bedroom.
so i won't lose track of time.

the lion that lives in my chest is growing.
some day soon he'll show his mane.
and the tiger in my head, he is sleeping.
i thought he would drive me insane,
but i'm still here.

here's the come back i've been speaking of.
and i'm in it on my own.
this come back kicks, i'll make it stick,
so i won't fade out all alone.
i'm here to stay.

colder winds come in my doorways,
but i don't shut them out.
and older things come back to haunt me now,
the stories that i can't go on without.

******************

the water is cold, and the air is cold,
and it's raining hard.
it's five in the morning, and that's when we decide to swim.
we go in off her dock.
in this cold night, that's when i find light.
nothing is anything compared to her.
this i know for sure.