emerging.

I'm still here.


Nothing seems to matter now. Do I live for nothing? No, I live to tell the story. I live to make something new. I knew that someday I would win. Hopefully, I will win again. But if I never do, then know that this has meant the world to me. I've given my all. I am full of love. I am empty.

.

under water at the moment.

xo.
tom.

wild turkeys

if it was up to me,
the stars would dip into our lakes
and get wet with anticipation.
our modern world would cry out.
and spinning around endlessly,
searching for the answer,
it would crumble into tiny pieces
and disappear into the humid air of summer.
a wild turkey would breeze past us in the night,
drunk with the weight of everything.
and we would be left laughing,
sitting by a fire just as lost as ever,
saying swim coyote swim.
but it is not up to me.

:

ghosts pass through... ghosts like me with their subtle maneuvers and quiet words. what started with a plan and several muddled dreams becomes a montage of laughter and misdirections. and eventually it becomes you, and you are only what you are. vaguely remembered by many and well-known by a few, not even understood by yourself. at some point my ideas joined with chaos, and the white canvas that was the future flipped into darkness, still blank but ominous. ghosts like me can't stay in one place for long. ghosts like me can't be with themselves. there's no such thing as ghosts.

excerpt

maybe it ends like that, in a rise of passion. stumbling sexuality and my heart stops. i know it stops. but maybe it never ends.

tommy x 3

oh mr sunshine, i know your kind
you're gonna die out there- you're gonna die out there
oh mr nice guy, i used to be like you
and now i don't know what i do
i had to let my fire die so i could build it again

maybe this time things will work out
maybe this time i'll be me
cos' that ain't me, that ain't me, no

and there will come a time
when you can make up for the things you've done
it's in the fire now
i'm on the fire now
i'm in the fire now

tommy times three
i had a load and now i'm older than i used to be
no mr sunshine, no mr nice guy, just me
and the fire i'm building in me
and the fire is growing in me
and the fire i'm building in me
oh, you can't see it but it's there

.

the fire.

walking home with Blue
we have bags and bags of fruit
so it turns into a game- the girl laughs like she's insane
the rain begins to pour and my shoulders get so sore
she drops her bags and runs
so i reach and pull my gun

and i shoot Blue down
she fires on me
so i hit the ground and count to three

no i am not a man
but i do all i can
to live a healthy life- and together we just might
find a place where colours sore
that will warm us to the core
because my eyes can't take no more
this lonely life's a bore

oh, but deep inside me
there is a fire
i feel it's heat

and Blue, I don't shoot you
if you don't shoot me

...............

oh i am on your side- and i refuse to hide
the finches all run wild- and i walk by wide eyed

don't take it all, don't take it all
if you leave it here, i will fall
don't take it off, don't take it off
wear it like you mean it, girl
wear it like it's all you got
because it's all we got

you could be my bride- you look beautiful in white
but i can't be untied from my whole life

don't take it all, don't take it all
if you come back, then i won't falter, no
don't take it on, don't take it on
leave it here so i won't call out to you
like the finches do

i'd call after you like the finches do
i walk by wide eyed

................

you've been here so long
you've been blocking all my light
get away from the window, i wanna crawl out in the day
don't you know i ain't afraid of nothing no more
don't you know
i ain't afraid of nothing and no one no more

oh, you're a sight for sore eyes
if you'd open the blinds

you've been oh so cold
come put your hands on my fire
cos' i feel like we're getting old
come watch my hopes and dreams expire
come see my hopes and dreams say bye bye
i'm so tired

somehow they are still burning
they are still here
somehow they are still burning
they're still with me

.............

if you come and beg forgiveness, i'll pour you a cup of tea
these mugs are only good for you and me
and in the steam i will see faces
of all the friends that i have known
i ask you now, how can you ignore all the love i've shown?

and yes it's true that the light is going to die
and i think it's true that the clouds are going to cry on us
i don't see the point
in dancing around your pain anymore
i don't need to fight
give me your hand, we'll go out dancing in the night

if i'm on my knees and you're on your knees
then everything is forgiven, you see

.............

days are catching up with me
i thought i was fast but i'm so sticky
like your fingers holding onto me
and your warm mouth, the sea
salty but still so sweet
are we still swimming?
is it still raining?
i got hands on me
are they still moving?

but more importantly,
are we still breathing?
are we still being?
i can't tell anymore

if these days are running me, it's cos' i'm scared to bleed
it comes out like raspberry
the colour of her lips
and it tastes like them
and it sticks to me