the last song i wrote for gwyneth

you had my future in your eyes, child
you had more than you knew
the dock could have turned, put us in the lake
with my arms wrapped close around you
when i'm low and in my darkest spot
i will walk and breathe your kiss
on this endless surf of my stolen time
i took at shot at you, and missed

i am no man, i am nothing
some day that will change
either that, or i will die tomorrow
in a quiet and private rage
you will think of me, how i pushed too hard
i leave every silence unfilled
for you, i will write - in my head, my whole life
time moves when i want to stand still

how romantic, my laughing tortured soul
in the mirror i know it's mine
and you're a frozen black hole
absorbing all of these helpless rhymes
if this is the last song i write for you
i hope it makes it in time
to save you from a loveless love
to save you from that crime

o*

her lips are soft like a clementine's taste
and i'm the snow we walk on
push it around, stay on the ground

it's a soft embrace of our hearts in the wind
january has the feel of getting old
let us stay here, i have no fear

her eyes are big like my heart in a fight
and i'm the tree we stand under
i can just stare, i'm unaware

-------------------------------------------

i want to live your day, well, i want to hear you say
that you love me cos' you love me
but don't say that i'm the one if i'm not
don't say that i'm the one, i know i'm not
and i care not

you've got a face that can turn this ugly place
into something delicate, into something nice
i want to watch you move, well, i want to prove
that i could be the one, but i'm not
don't say that i'm the one, cos' i'm not
and i care not

new year

i wrote you a lullaby that takes place
in one single time.
a moment of song that can't be right or wrong.
you will listen, and you will care.
even if i am not there.
life will pause for you, angel of grace.

please say that you still believe in forever,
in some sort of happiness.
you will sleep quietly,
your life will be fair.
even if i am not there.


------------------------


in the morning i am a shadow,
a ghost of myself.
for some time now i've searched for you
in the rain and snow of a suburban frown,
the whites and grays of a university town.
you do not look for me.
and if you did, you wouldn't find me.
i have quit my odes,
thrown out my tributes,
retired from the endless dedication
that was my life.
i've no one to dedicate to.
in the morning i am a fallen soldier,
who's gently been hacked in two.

john

the days have turned away from me
the lights no longer shine on my head
and people turn away from me
no more do they look to me with respect
well i know now, it's the first time
that was fun now
from life i've resigned
when i feel i've got problems, how wrong i am
i'm awaiting life as another man
don't crowd me

there are riddles in the shadows
they're thrown the way that i'd expect
and people never seem to know
what they least suspect is coming next
well it seems like time's elapsed
and i've stabbed life in the back
i'm searching for what it means
to never be anything

- john frusciante

---

i will make it up to you, somehow
i take three steps out of four in truth
and i'm several falls overdue
take me and john and a river of ice
we turn any kind of sadness into any kind of nice
we don't aim when we shoot
i am back
in a world for fighting through
i've staged a come-back in this zoo
and i will make it up to you

coconut soap

come now child and resign your hope
crawling in to weary beds of pear shampoo and coconut soap
i am with you now
i see where you're going,
i see you, love. how right you are.

i've been thinking that life would turn around
and the light would shine on my tired face
reveal a new road, concealed until now
to get me out of this hard place
but it has not

come now child and let go of this
we can stay romantic to the bone by cutting our old ropes
it's all false ideals that we seem to have missed
my heart will burn until it copes
and i will wash you with my pear shampoo
i will lend my coconut soap
i am with you now
i see you, love

beautiful

It was the beauty that she wielded through her imperfections that struck me. Not like being struck in the back of the head by a stone, but more like awakening from a dream. You know, the moment after your eyes open and you come to the sudden and often disappointing realization that the life you were just living wasn’t reality… and it hurts. The thought of the entire day lying before me with minimal chance of joy or reward hurts. It’s striking in a slow and educational way. There’s no method or conventionality to her beauty. While watching her move around the room, and listening to the way she speaks, I try to put my finger on what it is that makes her beautiful, that makes it impossible to withdraw your attention from her for more than a moment, but I can’t because her beauty isn’t founded in any sort of reasoning that we have a label for. It’s a completely unique beauty that resonates through her distinctiveness in my world. She stands out. She is an answer to a question that I ask every day without actually asking. Honestly, I’m not entirely sure what the question is… but she is my answer. Well… that’s her.