i could live in hope, just so you know.
sometimes i think you're a joke,
but then i realize that i don't own these skies,
and i don't know these eyes around me,
and you're so beautiful,
that i must be the joke, i'm singing,
aahaaa
come on girl, drive me to the nearest town,
where some old-fashion reggae beats are still around.
my mind is so tired of working on itself,
my passion's underground.
and it's written all over your face,
that you miss that quiet little place we had on the bay,
of which now there's not a trace,
but it's okay,
because i can still come hear you sing.
aahaaa
oh, this morning i'm out here,
eating warm banana muffins in the presence of last year.
it's terrible.
all the things i used to be,
and all the people i don't want to remember or see,
they are right here.
singing at me,
aahaaa
do you remember when we were young?
how the concrete hated the sun?
because i do.
i want to live a simple life,
i promise i'm still fun,
and so are you, just so you know.
do you remember how we used to be?
well, that's me in that photograph singing,
aahaaa
Friday, August 14, 2009
Saturday, August 8, 2009
west-coast ramble.
she is wet like the land that she lives on,
her eyes deep-set and green.
i might see her soon in the traps of my sleep,
but she won't remember me.
her voice is soft like the way of her hands.
she pours my coffee smooth.
and she smiles in a way that suggests warmer days,
as the rain makes beats on the roof.
she is wet like the sea that lives by,
the salt comes from off her skin.
she waves as i head out to catch my boat,
but i won't see her again.
she is in the wake.
-----------------------------
on long winter nights, our heads all a mess,
we'd stay in my high-ceiling room.
and those were the times, some privacy found,
that i would play these songs for you.
but now they all sound wrong,
i'm so out of tune.
my body's gone cold these last years without kissing you.
don't look at me,
cos' i can't look at you.
the first kimberly i knew.
your face is still in my air,
but i don't meet you there.
i hate you. i love you.
your body's still in my hands,
yes, but never again.
i hate you. i love you.
don't look at me, cos' i can't look at you.
don't talk to me. i won't hear you.
don't think of me, cos' i can't play for you anymore.
on these long winter nights,
my head's still a mess.
i stay in my low-ceiling room.
------------------------------
it really was quite simple.
i found the river you described.
and along its banks,
the gold and diamond mines,
from a hundred years ago,
before our time.
i remember your voice on the phone.
i read all of those letters you wrote,
telling me to come home,
telling me to come home,
but i can't come home just yet.
it really wasn't difficult,
to leave that life behind.
i followed the map you drew,
when you still had an adventurous mind.
and i recall your voice on the phone,
and i kept all of those letters you wrote,
telling me to come home,
telling me to come home,
but i can't come home, and i won't.
-------------------------------------
oh, my friend, Paul Blair
the house is quiet these days, but the street is loud.
and the sky is angry with me, it's calling out the clouds.
oh, my friend, Paul Blair, Big Bear,
come and sort this out.
oh, my friend, Paul Blair, Paul Blair,
i'm going to need some help.
ay, ay , ay , ay
oh, the view that once was fair,
is empty without you.
i tried to cook our favourite meal,
i haven't got a clue.
but together, we don't need clues, do we?
no, together, we don't take any clues.
oh, my friend, Paul Blair,
one minute you were there.
-----------------------
when i was in school,
the eighteenth man that i met named john,
said he was getting old for folk song.
i said what do you mean,
i've heard you play,
you gave me a shiver of a cold and stale day,
at the end of may. hey hey.
we walked through the park
on the old side of campus,
the discussion and laughter
all fading behind us.
i looked at the trees and said
i guess some day we'll die.
john said i don't think so,
i haven't even started my life.
and he turned away towards the night. my my.
one can choose the swing set,
one can choose the slide.
one can choose a lot of things,
and i'd say i've tried.
i've been called a fool because of things that i've said,
been taken for a lover,
while walking around half dead,
without a shared bed,
and i said, at least i'm only half dead.
this silence takes my sadness to a place all it's own.
the caffeine and the alcohol colliding in my bones.
makes my muscles decide it's time to build a home.
i scream to the air, i don't really ever care.
the breeze answers me,
yeah, friend, i've been there,
go and wash your hair. there there.
this song is getting kind of long,
i guess i'll pick up the pace,
cos' life's a struggle similar to a long distance race.
and i don't want to lose face.
stuff gets skipped,
i'm talking shit.
oh, well, that's how it is,
i guess i'll rap a bit.
speaking of lit-erature,
i'm writing a book,
combining all the shapes and sounds in life,
at first i mistook,
for something soft,
something gentle,
something tangible,
sometimes i've got promise but i can't quite get a handle.
don't ever trade your running shoes for sandals.
when i worked in the coffee shop,
the twenty-first man that i met named john.
he said hey, i heard you play folk song.
i said no, you're wrong,
folk is dying,
and i've been dying all along.
he just said, that's a shame,
but i'm never wrong.
on a cloudy afternoon i slipped into a dream.
in a mirror i saw myself
falling apart at the seams.
a ghost came up beside me and said,
tom, where's your head?
i laughed out loud,
i wasn't sure i ever had one.
the ghost said to me,
ghosts can laugh too,
and this one's laughing at you. ooh ooh.
i took the subway into the old part of town,
considering a new career as a clown.
i try to smile, make others smile,
but it just gets me down.
maybe i'll end up with these old guys i see
sleeping on the concrete underground.
i promise i won't make a sound when you walk by.
a group of young girls cornered me in a pharmacy.
they said you look so sad
it makes even us feel bad. i laughed.
i said i play folk songs that you'll never hear,
and the smallest one looked up at me and shouted,
that's no reason not to play them.
the night turned wild.
the night was free.
i crouched down by the docks and knew where i would be.
the water reflected the youngest parts of myself,
all this rising and falling
and constantly stalling,
it's bad for my health.
i've got a guitar and i don't need help.
all the johns that i've met have up and left.
but in the thick air around us their folk lives on.
and when i die this pen will still write songs.
better than mine,
so give me a push,
help this process along.
i am empty.
i am empty.
i am gone.
her eyes deep-set and green.
i might see her soon in the traps of my sleep,
but she won't remember me.
her voice is soft like the way of her hands.
she pours my coffee smooth.
and she smiles in a way that suggests warmer days,
as the rain makes beats on the roof.
she is wet like the sea that lives by,
the salt comes from off her skin.
she waves as i head out to catch my boat,
but i won't see her again.
she is in the wake.
-----------------------------
on long winter nights, our heads all a mess,
we'd stay in my high-ceiling room.
and those were the times, some privacy found,
that i would play these songs for you.
but now they all sound wrong,
i'm so out of tune.
my body's gone cold these last years without kissing you.
don't look at me,
cos' i can't look at you.
the first kimberly i knew.
your face is still in my air,
but i don't meet you there.
i hate you. i love you.
your body's still in my hands,
yes, but never again.
i hate you. i love you.
don't look at me, cos' i can't look at you.
don't talk to me. i won't hear you.
don't think of me, cos' i can't play for you anymore.
on these long winter nights,
my head's still a mess.
i stay in my low-ceiling room.
------------------------------
it really was quite simple.
i found the river you described.
and along its banks,
the gold and diamond mines,
from a hundred years ago,
before our time.
i remember your voice on the phone.
i read all of those letters you wrote,
telling me to come home,
telling me to come home,
but i can't come home just yet.
it really wasn't difficult,
to leave that life behind.
i followed the map you drew,
when you still had an adventurous mind.
and i recall your voice on the phone,
and i kept all of those letters you wrote,
telling me to come home,
telling me to come home,
but i can't come home, and i won't.
-------------------------------------
oh, my friend, Paul Blair
the house is quiet these days, but the street is loud.
and the sky is angry with me, it's calling out the clouds.
oh, my friend, Paul Blair, Big Bear,
come and sort this out.
oh, my friend, Paul Blair, Paul Blair,
i'm going to need some help.
ay, ay , ay , ay
oh, the view that once was fair,
is empty without you.
i tried to cook our favourite meal,
i haven't got a clue.
but together, we don't need clues, do we?
no, together, we don't take any clues.
oh, my friend, Paul Blair,
one minute you were there.
-----------------------
when i was in school,
the eighteenth man that i met named john,
said he was getting old for folk song.
i said what do you mean,
i've heard you play,
you gave me a shiver of a cold and stale day,
at the end of may. hey hey.
we walked through the park
on the old side of campus,
the discussion and laughter
all fading behind us.
i looked at the trees and said
i guess some day we'll die.
john said i don't think so,
i haven't even started my life.
and he turned away towards the night. my my.
one can choose the swing set,
one can choose the slide.
one can choose a lot of things,
and i'd say i've tried.
i've been called a fool because of things that i've said,
been taken for a lover,
while walking around half dead,
without a shared bed,
and i said, at least i'm only half dead.
this silence takes my sadness to a place all it's own.
the caffeine and the alcohol colliding in my bones.
makes my muscles decide it's time to build a home.
i scream to the air, i don't really ever care.
the breeze answers me,
yeah, friend, i've been there,
go and wash your hair. there there.
this song is getting kind of long,
i guess i'll pick up the pace,
cos' life's a struggle similar to a long distance race.
and i don't want to lose face.
stuff gets skipped,
i'm talking shit.
oh, well, that's how it is,
i guess i'll rap a bit.
speaking of lit-erature,
i'm writing a book,
combining all the shapes and sounds in life,
at first i mistook,
for something soft,
something gentle,
something tangible,
sometimes i've got promise but i can't quite get a handle.
don't ever trade your running shoes for sandals.
when i worked in the coffee shop,
the twenty-first man that i met named john.
he said hey, i heard you play folk song.
i said no, you're wrong,
folk is dying,
and i've been dying all along.
he just said, that's a shame,
but i'm never wrong.
on a cloudy afternoon i slipped into a dream.
in a mirror i saw myself
falling apart at the seams.
a ghost came up beside me and said,
tom, where's your head?
i laughed out loud,
i wasn't sure i ever had one.
the ghost said to me,
ghosts can laugh too,
and this one's laughing at you. ooh ooh.
i took the subway into the old part of town,
considering a new career as a clown.
i try to smile, make others smile,
but it just gets me down.
maybe i'll end up with these old guys i see
sleeping on the concrete underground.
i promise i won't make a sound when you walk by.
a group of young girls cornered me in a pharmacy.
they said you look so sad
it makes even us feel bad. i laughed.
i said i play folk songs that you'll never hear,
and the smallest one looked up at me and shouted,
that's no reason not to play them.
the night turned wild.
the night was free.
i crouched down by the docks and knew where i would be.
the water reflected the youngest parts of myself,
all this rising and falling
and constantly stalling,
it's bad for my health.
i've got a guitar and i don't need help.
all the johns that i've met have up and left.
but in the thick air around us their folk lives on.
and when i die this pen will still write songs.
better than mine,
so give me a push,
help this process along.
i am empty.
i am empty.
i am gone.
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Monday, July 6, 2009
leaves.
wind up your body
gather courage, save strength
for you are stronger than you believe
and you never believe
block out your weakness, persevere
these are things that you fear
be brave, and you will find hope
return home triumphant
a hero
------------
i rest my sadness in the sky portion of your eyes
and to my surprise
your face never departs from my mind
or from my moving time
you stand near and kiss my cheek when i go numb
these will be the days we miss when we get old
oh, how it goes on
-----------------------
my hands will be worn,
my face dark.
my eyes will be older
when i return.
will you still know me?
will you stand close at all?
i will be the same man.
i will be the same.
but i won't look so young and bright anymore.
everything counts
side with me, get on my team.
------------------------------
i can build myself with words.
on paper, we can be birds.
constantly creating history.
the future will prove i was rare.
artists will disintegrate,
i will evaporate
unless i stay absent from the world.
i can say great things but not be them.
i can describe beauty but not be it.
i will think nice thoughts,
and let happiness exist as a breeze
through my mind
that is fuelled by my heart
and is destroyed upon contact
with the air.
------------------
four portions of you,
and i go headfirst.
heart follows... clearance.
give off love like the surf.
-----------------------
she is my invested gold
buried in the hills.
my heart goes with her wherever she goes.
she is me.
my head jumps in time unwillingly,
surviving by its own design.
back and forth, i burn.
she is a beacon of light,
in a storm never-ending,
in a story ever-bending.
in my own troubled mess,
the clouds only part for her,
they swallow us together,
entwined and laughing.
--------------------------
i slide into the dark room, trying not to wake her. the air is thick, the summer sweat that i have been missing. i crawl under the blankets behind her, hold her tight. she feels my beard on her neck when i kiss her and says, "stay awhile."
--------------
green shirt
black shirt
i wear my insides outside
i wear my start on my sleeve
let's get hurt
-----------
the night can't hold me and all of my dreaming.
i am too large for this planet.
i let go of the earth and wind,
put effort towards oblivion.
our language doesn't suffice,
words i need don't exist.
every day is plain white rice,
i can't eat this,
not anymore.
the day can't hold me.
with all of our contrived counting.
i am too large for hours,
minutes.
i won't run out any longer.
i put effort towards forgetting,
in my own way getting stronger.
------------------
if you rain on me
i will rain on you
if you let yourself get wet
i will dry you off
i promise
i am standing there
with a towel for you
smile
-------------
i can't describe what grows inside of me
just like i can't explain what hurts
i feel as though i'm evolving backwards
like my time machine is stuck in reverse
if i land by you then take me to your leader
and we will discuss just how i will save us
we'll examine the biggest picture.
-----------------------
we are nothing when we wake
our ghosts all gone to the corners
to hide and plan for the day
asleep i am strong and never wrong
this life bores me in the light
it ignores me
-----------------------
we are gusts.
we are gone.
these are notes.
this is tomorrow.
harbouring this clumsy happiness.
leaves.
gather courage, save strength
for you are stronger than you believe
and you never believe
block out your weakness, persevere
these are things that you fear
be brave, and you will find hope
return home triumphant
a hero
------------
i rest my sadness in the sky portion of your eyes
and to my surprise
your face never departs from my mind
or from my moving time
you stand near and kiss my cheek when i go numb
these will be the days we miss when we get old
oh, how it goes on
-----------------------
my hands will be worn,
my face dark.
my eyes will be older
when i return.
will you still know me?
will you stand close at all?
i will be the same man.
i will be the same.
but i won't look so young and bright anymore.
everything counts
side with me, get on my team.
------------------------------
i can build myself with words.
on paper, we can be birds.
constantly creating history.
the future will prove i was rare.
artists will disintegrate,
i will evaporate
unless i stay absent from the world.
i can say great things but not be them.
i can describe beauty but not be it.
i will think nice thoughts,
and let happiness exist as a breeze
through my mind
that is fuelled by my heart
and is destroyed upon contact
with the air.
------------------
four portions of you,
and i go headfirst.
heart follows... clearance.
give off love like the surf.
-----------------------
she is my invested gold
buried in the hills.
my heart goes with her wherever she goes.
she is me.
my head jumps in time unwillingly,
surviving by its own design.
back and forth, i burn.
she is a beacon of light,
in a storm never-ending,
in a story ever-bending.
in my own troubled mess,
the clouds only part for her,
they swallow us together,
entwined and laughing.
--------------------------
i slide into the dark room, trying not to wake her. the air is thick, the summer sweat that i have been missing. i crawl under the blankets behind her, hold her tight. she feels my beard on her neck when i kiss her and says, "stay awhile."
--------------
green shirt
black shirt
i wear my insides outside
i wear my start on my sleeve
let's get hurt
-----------
the night can't hold me and all of my dreaming.
i am too large for this planet.
i let go of the earth and wind,
put effort towards oblivion.
our language doesn't suffice,
words i need don't exist.
every day is plain white rice,
i can't eat this,
not anymore.
the day can't hold me.
with all of our contrived counting.
i am too large for hours,
minutes.
i won't run out any longer.
i put effort towards forgetting,
in my own way getting stronger.
------------------
if you rain on me
i will rain on you
if you let yourself get wet
i will dry you off
i promise
i am standing there
with a towel for you
smile
-------------
i can't describe what grows inside of me
just like i can't explain what hurts
i feel as though i'm evolving backwards
like my time machine is stuck in reverse
if i land by you then take me to your leader
and we will discuss just how i will save us
we'll examine the biggest picture.
-----------------------
we are nothing when we wake
our ghosts all gone to the corners
to hide and plan for the day
asleep i am strong and never wrong
this life bores me in the light
it ignores me
-----------------------
we are gusts.
we are gone.
these are notes.
this is tomorrow.
harbouring this clumsy happiness.
leaves.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
wet.
the streets are wet and the lights bright.
i have left you once again,
the air smells of ozone, beads of despair
cover my mirrors as i glance around wearily.
i close my eyes periodically, feel them swell up.
so tired from this.
chris is saying that he wants to die a death of cold,
because he's scared of growing old.
he sings and i sing with him.
the red lights taunt me,
your face is in the watery reflections all around.
your face is a magnet.
and i am weak to your pull.
i have left you once again,
the air smells of ozone, beads of despair
cover my mirrors as i glance around wearily.
i close my eyes periodically, feel them swell up.
so tired from this.
chris is saying that he wants to die a death of cold,
because he's scared of growing old.
he sings and i sing with him.
the red lights taunt me,
your face is in the watery reflections all around.
your face is a magnet.
and i am weak to your pull.
Saturday, May 2, 2009
may.
well, you killed me with your kiss,
and now i can find a way out of this.
i feel like now that i've met you,
i can die happy.
if you promise never to leave me,
then i will never leave you again.
-------------------
i met a girl on a good tuesday
in late april, approaching may.
i got so drunk i don't know what i said.
i had to hold my face together.
cuz she could change my life just like the weather.
lean in, don't make me shout.
i know i don't make much sense,
but i mean well.
and i burnt my fingers when i put that candle out.
and i owe her fifteen dollars and a subway token now.
but she might never know the way i would treat her.
alison.
i apologize for my behaviour.
i've been searching these spring skies,
looking for a savior.
and i may have found one now but i can't stay.
i've gotta hope for another good tuesday.
while i hold my face together,
cuz she could change my life just like the weather.
------------------------------
when i first saw you, i thought
i'd seen you before in my head
in my head
your laugh penetrates my shell,
every minute i spend away from you
just feels like hell
when you smile at me,
i feel alive again, it's not possible
but i'm alive again
when i first touched you, i knew
i'd touched you before in my head
in my head
(while you live in my head, i want to live in your bed)
----------------------
words are so easy, but this gets so hard.
i've got stones in my shoes,
i'm soft but i'm scarred.
and your eyes are the blue of a slow rainy day.
yeah, your eyes are the sea that's gonna take me away
from here. i can't think clear
without you,
and i know i can get silly, but everything i say is true.
so i make it simple.
five four three two, one
is the number of girls i want to kiss.
and one is the number of girls i will miss,
when i'm living in nowhere and nothingness.
so don't forget me.
writing is easy, but talking gets hard.
like a pale summer blue,
i'm soft but i'm marked by you.
i hope i've marked you too.
and now i can find a way out of this.
i feel like now that i've met you,
i can die happy.
if you promise never to leave me,
then i will never leave you again.
-------------------
i met a girl on a good tuesday
in late april, approaching may.
i got so drunk i don't know what i said.
i had to hold my face together.
cuz she could change my life just like the weather.
lean in, don't make me shout.
i know i don't make much sense,
but i mean well.
and i burnt my fingers when i put that candle out.
and i owe her fifteen dollars and a subway token now.
but she might never know the way i would treat her.
alison.
i apologize for my behaviour.
i've been searching these spring skies,
looking for a savior.
and i may have found one now but i can't stay.
i've gotta hope for another good tuesday.
while i hold my face together,
cuz she could change my life just like the weather.
------------------------------
when i first saw you, i thought
i'd seen you before in my head
in my head
your laugh penetrates my shell,
every minute i spend away from you
just feels like hell
when you smile at me,
i feel alive again, it's not possible
but i'm alive again
when i first touched you, i knew
i'd touched you before in my head
in my head
(while you live in my head, i want to live in your bed)
----------------------
words are so easy, but this gets so hard.
i've got stones in my shoes,
i'm soft but i'm scarred.
and your eyes are the blue of a slow rainy day.
yeah, your eyes are the sea that's gonna take me away
from here. i can't think clear
without you,
and i know i can get silly, but everything i say is true.
so i make it simple.
five four three two, one
is the number of girls i want to kiss.
and one is the number of girls i will miss,
when i'm living in nowhere and nothingness.
so don't forget me.
writing is easy, but talking gets hard.
like a pale summer blue,
i'm soft but i'm marked by you.
i hope i've marked you too.
Friday, May 1, 2009
obasan.
"Unless the stone bursts with telling, unless the seed flowers with speech, there is in my life no living word. The sound I hear is only sound. White sound. Words, when they fall, are pock marks on the earth. They are hailstones seeking an underground stream. If I could follow the stream down and down to the hidden voice, would I come at last to the freeing word? I ask the night sky but the silence is steadfast. There is no reply."
- Joy Kogawa
- Joy Kogawa
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