christopher

in this building we play home
in this bathroom, chistopher cuts off my hair
it took a long time for me to realize
that we were just unprepared
we were younger and we were happier

we've been younger and we've been happier

my head puts things in front of me
that could never ever be there
my eyes go glazed, i'm dumb and amazed
christopher cuts these things from before me

knocks them right out of the air

***

'this is our field'

we'll meet here, in this field
if you come here you will find me
i'll be waiting for you
don't ask me why

well i can spot your black hair from across the square
so stand still, don't move, i'll come and find you there
and you can save your smiles in our black cloth bags
we'll find old shirts and rip out all of the tags
it's cold when i move but i can't stand still
i think i left my courage at the crest of this hill
so come climb it with me and tell the birds to follow
because without you by my side for this my body just feels hollow

this will be our field, and these will be our flowers
i'll be waiting here for you
if you can find this spot, then you'll find me here
when everything turns dark


----------------------------------------------------

'cold'

i'm through my door, and the sun's just up
i left my warmth in a plastic cup
when i was six and now i feel old
i wait for the light to come between the trees
because my body is cold
but that won't change, i'll feel cold all day

if we spoke now, i would say be patient
but talking now doesn't make any sense
when i was twelve i had a crush on a girl
i didn't know that if she meant the world to me
then she could take the whole world
and she took the whole world
and i will never feel the same again

they walk a little bit ahead of me
on this hill, the cutest pair i've ever seen
but they're in my head because my eyes are closed
it's so early in the morning i think my mind just froze
for a moment, but i'll wake and get through this day
just like the one before it
it's so damn cold
and i won't ever be the same again

moving slowly

i move slow, because i don't know if i want to get where i'm going.
my body's overflowing with this bad feeling.

maps are overrated.
i've never navigated all too well. i'm not going to start now.

and if this ship is going down, i'm standing at the front staring out.

i walk slow these days,
i'm moving really slow these days.

a response to a facebook message.

you are not what you pretend.

you're more than blue
& salty
ocean eyes

I hope you know that

inside
you're drowning
a massive yellow sunflower.

-julz

-

gotta speak right now- gotta throw some rhymes cos' breathing can be tough sometimes- and this place can make a soldier go blind- trying all the time to reclaim what's mine- stuck here for good- always act like i should- won't catch me rolling through the hood- i'd rather go by foot- and i got alot of friends but i'm tied up with shame because my oldest friends don't remember my name- and i've lost alot of small games- need peace like doves- who said it was a bad thing to be weak for love? things are looking rough- i'm a grain of sand- i think i need kanye to rap again- never mind the soft stuff- bring back the words- these days my wings are broken like a bird's and it's cold- i need a scarf and mitts- perhaps a new pair of kicks before i get snowed in- and start the hibernation- surf the radio stations trying to find a little good news from my nation- but there's none- and since the guns have come then we're past the fun and you know you better run- hear these songs- check the chimes- yeah i know that breathing can be difficult sometimes.

a facebook message

tonight is thick with the things i once owned
but i fall out of love with myself
and i stand up alone
keep the part of me that i gave you
it's a gift for you to keep
and i've promised you the colour blue
but the price looks a little steep, tonight
this song only exists in email form
and somehow that feels right
this depression works from the inside out
until it bursts from my eyes in full flight
and then everything tastes salty

...

all my friends are gonna go deaf
by the time they reach the age of thirty-five.
but if i had a choice, and i know i don't have a choice,
but if i had a choice,
i would rather go blind.

all my friends move away.
and i'm no good at goodbyes. i never know what to say.
so, goodbye.
but if i had a choice, and i know i don't have a choice,
but if i had a choice,
everyone would stay right here.