everything counts.

leaves.

wind up your body
gather courage, save strength
for you are stronger than you believe
and you never believe
block out your weakness, persevere
these are things that you fear
be brave, and you will find hope
return home triumphant
a hero

------------

i rest my sadness in the sky portion of your eyes
and to my surprise
your face never departs from my mind
or from my moving time

you stand near and kiss my cheek when i go numb
these will be the days we miss when we get old

oh, how it goes on

-----------------------

my hands will be worn,
my face dark.
my eyes will be older
when i return.
will you still know me?
will you stand close at all?
i will be the same man.
i will be the same.
but i won't look so young and bright anymore.

everything counts
side with me, get on my team.

------------------------------

i can build myself with words.
on paper, we can be birds.
constantly creating history.
the future will prove i was rare.
artists will disintegrate,
i will evaporate
unless i stay absent from the world.
i can say great things but not be them.
i can describe beauty but not be it.
i will think nice thoughts,
and let happiness exist as a breeze
through my mind
that is fuelled by my heart
and is destroyed upon contact
with the air.

------------------

four portions of you,
and i go headfirst.
heart follows... clearance.
give off love like the surf.

-----------------------

she is my invested gold
buried in the hills.
my heart goes with her wherever she goes.
she is me.
my head jumps in time unwillingly,
surviving by its own design.
back and forth, i burn.
she is a beacon of light,
in a storm never-ending,
in a story ever-bending.
in my own troubled mess,
the clouds only part for her,
they swallow us together,
entwined and laughing.

--------------------------

i slide into the dark room, trying not to wake her. the air is thick, the summer sweat that i have been missing. i crawl under the blankets behind her, hold her tight. she feels my beard on her neck when i kiss her and says, "stay awhile."

--------------

green shirt
black shirt
i wear my insides outside
i wear my start on my sleeve
let's get hurt

-----------

the night can't hold me and all of my dreaming.
i am too large for this planet.
i let go of the earth and wind,
put effort towards oblivion.

our language doesn't suffice,
words i need don't exist.
every day is plain white rice,
i can't eat this,
not anymore.

the day can't hold me.
with all of our contrived counting.
i am too large for hours,
minutes.
i won't run out any longer.

i put effort towards forgetting,
in my own way getting stronger.

------------------

if you rain on me
i will rain on you

if you let yourself get wet
i will dry you off
i promise

i am standing there
with a towel for you
smile

-------------

i can't describe what grows inside of me
just like i can't explain what hurts
i feel as though i'm evolving backwards
like my time machine is stuck in reverse
if i land by you then take me to your leader
and we will discuss just how i will save us
we'll examine the biggest picture.

-----------------------

we are nothing when we wake
our ghosts all gone to the corners
to hide and plan for the day
asleep i am strong and never wrong
this life bores me in the light
it ignores me

-----------------------

we are gusts.
we are gone.
these are notes.
this is tomorrow.
harbouring this clumsy happiness.
leaves.

wet.

the streets are wet and the lights bright.
i have left you once again,
the air smells of ozone, beads of despair
cover my mirrors as i glance around wearily.
i close my eyes periodically, feel them swell up.
so tired from this.
chris is saying that he wants to die a death of cold,
because he's scared of growing old.
he sings and i sing with him.
the red lights taunt me,
your face is in the watery reflections all around.
your face is a magnet.
and i am weak to your pull.

may.

well, you killed me with your kiss,
and now i can find a way out of this.
i feel like now that i've met you,
i can die happy.
if you promise never to leave me,
then i will never leave you again.

-------------------

i met a girl on a good tuesday
in late april, approaching may.
i got so drunk i don't know what i said.
i had to hold my face together.

cuz she could change my life just like the weather.

lean in, don't make me shout.
i know i don't make much sense,
but i mean well.
and i burnt my fingers when i put that candle out.
and i owe her fifteen dollars and a subway token now.

but she might never know the way i would treat her.
alison.

i apologize for my behaviour.
i've been searching these spring skies,
looking for a savior.
and i may have found one now but i can't stay.
i've gotta hope for another good tuesday.

while i hold my face together,
cuz she could change my life just like the weather.

------------------------------

when i first saw you, i thought
i'd seen you before in my head
in my head

your laugh penetrates my shell,
every minute i spend away from you
just feels like hell

when you smile at me,
i feel alive again, it's not possible
but i'm alive again

when i first touched you, i knew
i'd touched you before in my head
in my head

(while you live in my head, i want to live in your bed)

----------------------

words are so easy, but this gets so hard.
i've got stones in my shoes,
i'm soft but i'm scarred.
and your eyes are the blue of a slow rainy day.
yeah, your eyes are the sea that's gonna take me away
from here. i can't think clear
without you,
and i know i can get silly, but everything i say is true.
so i make it simple.
five four three two, one
is the number of girls i want to kiss.
and one is the number of girls i will miss,
when i'm living in nowhere and nothingness.
so don't forget me.

writing is easy, but talking gets hard.
like a pale summer blue,
i'm soft but i'm marked by you.
i hope i've marked you too.

obasan.

"Unless the stone bursts with telling, unless the seed flowers with speech, there is in my life no living word. The sound I hear is only sound. White sound. Words, when they fall, are pock marks on the earth. They are hailstones seeking an underground stream. If I could follow the stream down and down to the hidden voice, would I come at last to the freeing word? I ask the night sky but the silence is steadfast. There is no reply."

- Joy Kogawa

100th post

A is for the apple in a bowl of oranges

L is for lucky charms marshmallow thief

I is for the most important person in the world ever

S is for short...

O is for an octopus whose sixth and seventh legs are obsolete

N is for... nobody beats alison

new skies.

well if these new skies come down like the last
i will shield my eyes like the past
and look at the ground again

instead of my mouth, i'm gonna use my pen
drop a couple thoughts that won't come again
not soon and not forever