5.

hollow building. a remaining prism.
with dusty compartments,
off-white,
once lived in and personal.
the air is re-claiming,
decomposing,
eroding foundations.
there is no longer any noise,
any movement,
no longer any laughter.
i am the last human being.
and i will watch this structure collapse,
re-uniting its elements with the earth,
and the cloud of smoke can take me too.
because i'm not moving.
unable,
or unwilling.
unsomething, me.

............................

her WIDE BLUE EYES
undo me, unwind me,
unravel and find me.

intro.

I’m just walking. If there was anywhere to go on a day like today I would walk there. But there isn’t. Just the sun moving slowly across its sky and me moving in circles far below, looking up. The snow has melted in our town and I can picture the grass fighting upwards, buds on trees whispering of revolution. And I’m walking in this change of season thinking about how seasons can change but people can’t ever really change and realizing what crazy means and what crazy does. How can I not think of Deep Water, of dives to retrieve lost souls? I’m not a bad man. I don’t think I’m good, but I’m certainly not bad. And besides, who can tell the difference?

chunk 3

you want to talk about the future? well, i can't. let's chuck shit at these walls. at night in the city all the losers come out. and i could be one of them. the sidewalk familiar, the streetlights quick. the bars full because it's so fucking cold. i'm in the street holding my dick. oh, heaven, you're so thick with fog, it's haunting. i'm better off aiming underneath. it's warmer and i've lost hope. a former statue of happiness in my yard, still hard but all in pieces. i'm scarred but it's all just creases. you want to talk about the future? no, you don't want to talk to me. so the conversation ceases to exist. i refuse to talk about this. move on.

______

She was fifteen, lying on a dock and looking at the stars with a boy. They had spent their summers together since they were little. They only knew each other in the context of the lake. He was four years older. It was a cold night in August and both of them were shivering. Neither of them wanted to say goodnight, though, so ______ tucked herself into the boy, under his arm. Her long legs gently entwined themselves with his, and her face moved closer and closer to his until there was nothing left to do but kiss him. No other option. And she wanted to. And he didn’t know what happened… and he didn’t care. If the dock had flipped and both of them drowned he wouldn’t have cared. _______’s hair draped her eyes. She tilted her head back and smiled a shy smile. And the boy said, what did I do to deserve that?

combo

- what time are you getting here?
- not sure.
- you've gotta tell me so i can pick you up.
- k.
- you're not going to come.
- yes i am. why wouldn't i?
- yeah, why wouldn't you?
- what is that emo shit on your profile?
- i do lots of emo shit.
- haha.
- why is that funny?
- you need to lighten up. stop being so fucking emo.
- well, you never come through when you say you're going to.

...............

love is in the stomach, and it's in the hands, and it cannot be controlled or wielded.

.......................

- new socks.
- why?
- to keep my feet warm.
- we have loads of socks.
- they never match.
- you have to make pairs.
- i wanted new ones. i like the feel of new socks. they're so cozy and warm and they don't have any holes and the elastics are tight.
- yeah, i get it.
- and i got new boxers.
- jesus.

..............

a shell, in whose hollow caverns the shocking effects of heartfelt pursuits are just resonating.

chunk 2

i'm not in this for the money or for possessions. i'm looking for something unknown and it will be happy and there will be songs sung through the summers, and there will be love. but paths do not present themselves to those without ambition or plans and i have none, only hopes. no goals. no survival, no team. just me and my pen and my breakfast. coffee. cereal. promise me you won't ever get real because real doesn't exist just feel my wrists i'm on the outs but destroying doubts at the same time because i don't want anything to be mine. lose everything. come on down and walk through the empty future with me, it's got endless possibilities and it's nice not to be tied down to this world and it's boring boys and girls. swirls.

chunk 1

i cannot lose a thing, but maybe my voice and some inspiration to the moving water in march that seems to wonder like me and wander like me and stare back empty. so who is anyone really? i don't know a pretty face in this town and that's okay for tomorrow and new beginnings but i'd like to settle for a bit and stop kicking. little chance of moving up. little chance of traveling very far and the night sky tells me so frequently with its laughter and its mocking stars so bright with things we don't understand. hold my hand. some wrong kind of ambition, sweet girls in their spin and i'm just watching. no mission. i once had a love and now i don't have permission.